


Touch

by Mastre



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Hand Jobs, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers (2012), Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mastre/pseuds/Mastre
Summary: Being prone to caring is one thing, ending up caring about someone like Thor's wayward brother is quite another. So, what to do when he ends up in the tower, broken beyond recognition?





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Been sitting on this for months and can no longer resist posting it. Chapters are a bit longer than usual so updates may be slow but we'll see how it goes.

She had never seen such a horrific sight in her life.

Of course, the guys came in with injuries after their missions sometimes; everything from gunshot wounds to burns and broken bones. She'd certainly seen blood before.

But this... was something else.

"What happened to him?" she asked as Thor brought his brother to the infirmary and had him placed on a bed.

"He was kept prisoner."

"By whom?" It was hard to imagine anyone being capable of working Loki over like this. From what she'd heard, and seen in footage, he was as indestructible as Thor. Even after being beaten into the floor by the Hulk had he looked better than this.

"We don't know," Thor said, taking a step back to let Bruce approach the bed and inspect the damage. Loki, who looked more dead than alive, immediately shifted away from him and would have slipped off the other side of the bed had Steve not been fast enough to stop him. Once aware of Steve's presence he quickly moved back against the wall, the only way left to go. His eyes flickered around the room as if he was searching for an escape.

"Calm yourself, Loki. You are not in danger here." 

Thor's words seemed to have little impact if any. 

Bruce held up his hands.  
"I just want to take a look at you, okay?"

Loki's eyes narrowed in a warning that could not be misinterpreted.

_Touch me and die._

Bruce lowered his hands but barely made contact before he had to avoid a kick that would have sent him flying across the room. Thor quickly moved to restrain his brother's legs.

"Whoa!" Bruce said. "That's... that's a very bad idea."

"He's pretty strong for being so beat up," Steve commented. "Are you sure he isn't...?"

"If Loki had been at his full strength there is no manner in which you would have been able to avoid that kick," Thor said with his eyes on Bruce. "He is severely weakened. This is not one of his illusions."

"If you say so, Thunderboy." Tony walked through the room, taking a wide berth around the bed. "I still wouldn't turn my back on him. Why did you bring him here anyway? Don't they have better ways to deal with him in Asgard?"

"I have been unable to reach them," Thor confessed, still holding Loki's legs down. "Heimdall won't answer my calls. I fear... something is amiss."

"They don't want him either, huh?"

Bruce tried approaching Loki again.  
"You don't want to wake the other guy," he cautioned. "Remember? Just... just let me have a look."

Steve caught Loki's arms before he could lash out and Bruce hesitantly began examining his injuries. There were plenty.

"He's dehydrated and malnourished. Probably anemic too. There's chafing from some kind of restraint and it looks infected. None of the wounds seem to have been cleaned properly."

No, that was obvious.

Loki was naked from the waist up and his pale skin was marred by partially healed cuts and burns. His ribs were protruding in a disturbing way and his inflamed wrists were covered in dried blood. What she found worst, however, was his mouth. Somebody had sewn his lips shut in a crude way, making him unable to speak or take in any nourishment.

"I'm going to try and cut these," Bruce said, eyeing the stitches. "Tabby, will you bring me the scissors, we'll see what they'll do."

She quickly retrieved the requested item and handed them to him, but didn't step away from the bed. Instead, she remained next to Bruce as he tried to hold Loki's head still to cut the thread. It didn't work. Escaping Steve's grip he lashed out furiously and sent the scissors flying.

"Loki!" Thor yelled out in frustration, "We are trying to help. Will you cease this behavior immediately!"

All he got was a death glare in return.

"Maybe we should just sedate him," Tony suggested. "Do we have anything that would work on him? Horse tranquilizer, maybe?"

"Do not jest!" Thor growled. "This is no laughing matter."

"I don't see the joke, buddy. If he sets off the Hulk he's on his own."

Bruce rubbed the bridge of his nose.  
"Could you... just hold him down, please. We're going to have to do this one way or another."

"Loki... Do you understand what we're trying to do?" She leaned over, trying to make eye contact. The man in the bed stared back at her, the very image of rage and desperation.

"Tabby, be careful."

She ignored Steve's warning and stayed put.  
"We want to cut the stitches," she said slowly and clearly, "so you can open your mouth. You need water." She carefully approached her hand to Loki's face, keeping it well in his sight. Surprisingly, he didn't move away when her fingertips made contact with his lips, tracing the roughness of the thread and the dried blood surrounding them. She didn't want to think about the pain that must have accompanied the experience. It made her stomach turn.

"We're going to need better scissors," she said. "This is no ordinary thread."

After some surveying, she was handed something that looked more like wire cutters.

"Think this will do?"

She nodded at Tony.  
"It's worth a try."

She was well aware that both Bruce and Tony were right behind her, probably ready to pull her out of harm's way. It was annoying to be treated like the Vulnerable Little Woman but she couldn't blame them. Dealing with superpowered villains wasn't her field; it was theirs.

Trying not to shake while everyone was staring at her, she slowly took Loki's chin between her fingers and aimed the tool at the first stitch. His tension was almost palpable and she wondered if he was going to pull away at the last second, ripping the thread out by force.

Bracing herself, she cut.

He didn't move.

It took some working but the thread snapped and she moved on to the next one. There were four in all.

Under normal circumstances, his intense stare would have made her uneasy. Now it felt reassuring. Keeping his eyes on her meant he was willing to let her work rather than trying to get away.

At least that's what she hoped it meant.

The last thread came off without a hitch and she put the cutter down. Tony was quick to remove it. She figured he didn't want to leave anything within Loki's reach that could be used as a weapon once the job was done.

Not that he looked very threatening now.

Bruce gave her another tool and she took a deep breath. This was going to get icky.

"I'll have to pull them out," she said, separating his lips as much as the remaining thread allowed. "They've grown into the tissue, so it's going to hurt. I'm sorry."

Loki rolled his eyes as if telling her to get on with it. It couldn't be worse than what he'd already been through, she figured.

Up this close, it was even more obvious how bad his condition was. His eyes looked strained, like he hadn't slept for days, his cheeks were hollow and his hair dirty and unkempt. The cuts on his lips where the stitches had pulled were inflamed and possibly infected, though it was hard to tell with all the caked blood.

_What kind of people do this to a person? Maybe he deserved it, but..._

No, nobody deserved this. Not even Loki.

She pulled the threads out one by one, wincing as she felt the tissue resist and give way, followed by fresh blood seeping from the wounds. Loki kept his eyes on her the entire time, barely flinching as she worked.

"You should rinse your mouth," she said when done.

Bruce was already holding out a glass of water but Loki made no effort to take it, even after Steve had let go of his hands. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"For god's sake, we're not going to poison you!" Tony said in an outburst of frustration. "Will you get into your thick head that we're trying to help you here? A 'thank you' would be nice."

Tabby took the glass.  
"Look, I'll drink from it." She took a sip and swallowed. "It's safe." She carefully held out the glass, more or less expecting it to go the same way as the scissors earlier.

Loki watched her, then took it and rinsed before drinking a small amount.

"Can you speak?"

He cleared his throat.  
"I can."

Bruce stepped in.  
"I need to examine you."

"No."

"Loki..." Thor sounded like his patience was running thin. "You cannot go on like this. At the very least let him look at your injuries."

Loki pointed a finger at Tabby.  
"She does it."

"What? I don't know... I'm not a doctor!"

Tony facepalmed.  
"Can't stop being a diva, can he?"

"No," she realized. "It isn't about that."

_It's about fighting for an ounce of control when you're totally powerless._

"What about... what about Bruce looking but I'm the only one to touch you?"

Loki seemed to think about it for a moment, then gave a curt nod.

"You will have to strip him," Bruce said awkwardly. Those pants need to come off."

She rolled her eyes.  
"I'm not a fairy tale virgin. I _have_ seen male equipment before."

Tony snorted. She ignored him.

"Perhaps we don't all need to be in here," Steve said. "He seems fairly cooperative now."

"Yeah, I'm out." Tony was already on his way to the door. "And if you wreck my tower, Reindeer Games, you're paying for it."

Thor stayed, ready to restrain Loki again would it be needed.

Bruce gave Tabby the cutters again, and she began the tedious work of cutting Loki's pants off. The material was way sturdier than any fabric she'd seen, but it made sense. Loki, like Thor, would only need to flex his muscles for Earthly clothing to rip; they required stronger stuff.

_Wonder how they see us. Weak? Underdeveloped? Insignificant?_

_If Asgard decided to invade us we wouldn't stand a chance._

Loki kept quiet during the whole procedure. He was lying back against the pillows with an arm over his eyes but occasionally twitched as the cutter made contact with his skin.

_Hypersensitive_ , she thought.

"How long was he gone?" she asked Thor who was standing next to the bed, watching his brother as she cut.

"For several months. He disappeared from his cell in Asgard. There was no trace of him anywhere."

"You thought he escaped?"

"It seemed obvious."

Loki huffed but didn't say anything.

"What happened, Loki? Did you leave of your own volition or not?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

He refused to say anything more.

Tabby removed the remnants of the pants and tilted his legs to give Bruce a good look at the injuries. She tried not to get distracted by Loki's intimate parts which were... eye-catching, to say the least.

"He has burn-marks under his feet," she commented.

"They tortured you, did they not?" There was a barely suppressed rage in Thor's voice. However estranged he was from his brother, this affected him.

"Always ready to state the obvious," Loki mocked. "I wasn't off being pampered by tender maidens if that's what you were suspecting."

_He hates this. Not just being helpless, but vulnerable and exposed as well. This man is proud._

"I have some broth in my freezer," she said. "It's got all kinds of nutrients in it. Maybe he could eat that? He's going to need more than just water."

"I would set up a saline drip, but I doubt he'd allow it." Bruce inspected every wound as close as he could without touching. "Judging from his condition, solid food wouldn't go down well so we might try that broth." He looked up at Loki. "When was the last time you had anything to eat?"

Loki shrugged, his face immediately contorting in a wince of pain.

"A few days... perhaps six or seven."

He seemed vague like the subject was beyond his interest.

"Is that how long you've had the stitches?"

Loki shrugged again, more carefully this time.

"That means you haven't had anything to drink in that time either," Tabby concluded. "Were they trying to kill you?"

Loki's mouth twitched.  
"Possibly."

"We can go longer than you without food," Thor explained, "but there is a limit before the body starts feeding off itself. About ten or twelve days is how long we'd last without water."

Loki sighed like he couldn't be bothered with their conversation anymore. His eyes were closed again.

"He has barely any muscle tissue left," Bruce said in a lower voice. "I know you guys heal fast, but he's in starvation mode; that's not going to help."

"His immune system would be compromised too," Tabby said. She didn't need to be a doctor to know that. "That's why there is so much infection."

"Yeah, there's another problem. We can test some antibiotics, but there's no guarantee that they'll work on whatever he's got. I'm sorry, Thor. I know he's your brother despite everything, but we just don't know how this is going to play out."

"You're saying... he might not make it?"

"I'm saying, I really don't know. You may want to prepare for the worst. Maybe they could do something in Asgard, but here..."

"I will try to call Heimdall again." Thor left the room in long, determined strides.

"He cares," Tabby said, "whether he wants to or not."

She turned back to Loki. His breathing had slowed and his body was no longer tense. Apparently, he had relaxed enough to fall asleep.

"Those wounds should be cleaned," she said, "but..."

"Sleep might be better for him right now," Bruce agreed. "Give it an hour. I need to look at the scans JARVIS took and see what they say. Thaw that broth and come back here; we'll try to clean him up."

"Okay."

She stole a last glance at Loki's sleeping face and went.


	2. On the Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence and drama.

It was for Thor's sake, she told herself. She liked him; he didn't deserve this.

Loki had tried to invade Earth with an alien army. He had stolen the tesseract and caused the collapse of an entire S.H.I.E.L.D. facility; killed and mind controlled people.

She shouldn't care about him.

But she did.

There was something about how utterly broken he had looked when they arrived with him. How he'd barely been able to walk, yet determined to fight back like a wounded animal against anything he perceived as a threat. Not giving up.

It resonated with her.

She was cleaning him up using medical wet wipes and he slept through it. 

Bruce took the opportunity to look closer at his injuries.  
"There are some broken bones, but they seem to be healing. Nothing recent that needs to be set."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Yes... It's the burns I'm most concerned about. They aren't healing too well."

"The biggest problem with burns is infection, right?"

"Yeah, it is. We have to wait for the samples to be analyzed, but if he'd been kept somewhere off-world it may not be a strain we have the remedies to handle. I doubt our local bacteria would affect him, even in this condition."

"They never affected Thor. He doesn't even get a cold when everybody's sneezing and coughing around him."

"Colds are caused by virus, not bacteria, but yes, the same applies."

Loki stirred.

She worked faster, prepared to be knocked off her feet if he'd lash out.

"Why don't you use your powers?" Bruce suggested. "It's safer."

"No, I... I manage."

She was almost done anyway, cleaning his feet.

"Loki, are you awake?" Bruce leaned over him.

"Get away from me!"

"He really doesn't trust us, does he?" Tabby said.

"I suppose he doesn't have reason to, considering what he did last time he was here."

Loki was trying to move, to get up, but failed miserably and sank back against the pillow with a frustrated sound.

"Look, we brought something for you to eat," Bruce tried again. "It's either that or a drip, your choice."

Loki tightened his jaw.  
"I will not have you inject me with your inferior Midgardian remedies."

"Broth it is then," Tabby said cheerfully and disposed of the last wipe. She washed her hands and unscrewed the lid of the thermos. "Do I need to feed you?"

Loki gave her an appalled look.  
"I am not a child."

"No, but you're a tiny bit incapacitated at the moment. Can you sit up?"

Refusing help, it took two tries before he was propped up in half-seated position and could hold the cup in his hands. The effort left him exhausted.

"Your right hand seems to have been broken not long ago," Bruce said. "If you need help holding..."

"I can hold it just fine," Loki hissed but didn't lift the cup to his lips, only looked at it.

"Do you want me to taste it first?" Tabby asked. "So you know it's okay?"

"You wish to sedate me so you can do what you want without my knowledge."

"It would make things easier, but I don't think we have anything to sedate you with." She took the cup from his hands and had a sip of the warm liquid before giving it back. Loki cautiously followed her example, letting the broth linger in his mouth before swallowing.

"Don't give him too much," Bruce said. "Let's see how he takes to a small amount first."

That made sense. Throwing up probably wouldn't be wise in Loki's condition.

He had less than half of what was in the cup before trying to put it down. Tabby took it from him and helped him lie back down, ignoring his grumblings. Bruce still wasn't allowed to touch him.

"I know you don't want to be here," she said, "but do you have to make it so hard on yourself?"

Loki didn't answer, only settled in between the sheets with a pained look on his face.

"Is there really nothing you can give him?" she whispered to Bruce. "He must be hurting."

"I could try hooking him up with something to at least take the edge off, but he'll probably rip it right out. You heard what he said."

* * *

Loki slept for hours. Whenever he woke up they went through the same ritual; Tabby tasting the broth first to show that it was safe, then him taking in a small amount. She was the only one allowed near him, though she wasn't sure why.

She ended up staying in the infirmary with a book and her laptop to keep herself busy while he slept. Bruce had stressed they should try to get Loki to eat and drink every few hours, however little, and she thought it easier to be there for when he woke up rather than running back and forth.

Thor sat by Loki's bed for some time, talking about how he was trying to reach Heimdall, how it was going to be alright, just hang in there, but she could hear that he was worried. Thor wasn't one to hide his feelings and this was eating away at him, no matter how he'd despised his brother after the events around the attack on New York.

She wondered why Asgard wouldn't answer.

She wondered how Thor would take it if...

A sound from the bed made her put down the laptop and listen. It was less than an hour since Loki had last been awake; maybe he was just surfacing for a moment.

She tip-toed towards the bed to check on him.

His eyes were closed but small, jerky movements betrayed his dreaming state, as did the short moans he emitted. Distress. It wasn't a pleasant dream.  
Hesitating, she placed a hand on his cheek and kept it there till he stilled. Then she returned to her chair.

He wasn't a threat now. There was no reason to let him suffer.

* * *

Loki's sleep deepened into unconsciousness. Bruce took the risk of setting up a drip, though it took him a while to find a needle sharp enough to penetrate Loki's skin.

Thor's attempts at contacting Asgard remained fruitless and he ended up standing on top of the tower cursing to the Norns while drawing down a thunderstorm that drenched the streets below.

Tabby withdrew to her rooms for the night, but early morning found her awake and returning to the infirmary to see if there was any change. 

There wasn't. Loki was lying in his bed, still and pale as ever. His breathing was barely detectable but she could see his chest moving if she focused.

"Up already?" Bruce said as he entered the room.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, watching silently as he checked up on Loki's state.

"We all seem to have that problem," Bruce sighed. "I would have him moved to a hospital, but I honestly don't think they can do more than we have, and they may well refuse to treat him."

"Why? Because he... Because of what he did?"

"No, because he's... not human. His organs are all over the place, antibiotics don't work... I'm not even sure what I'm doing." Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Tabby stepped closer. Loki's hand was resting on the bedcover, blue veins visible through the almost luminescent whiteness of his skin. Two of his nails were missing.  
"What do you think his chances are?"

"Not good."

"He looks so different now. From the pictures, I mean."

"Starvation does that to people."

She touched Loki's hand with a finger. It was strange how human he seemed despite everything. How smooth his skin was.

_How can you look so much like us while being so different?_

For some reason he fascinated her.

She left to get some breakfast but eventually returned, making herself comfortable by sitting on another bed with the laptop in her lap. There was nothing for her to do now but something compelled her to remain with Loki anyway, not wanting him to be alone.

As the hours passed she became used to the silence. The only one coming by was Thor, who sat quietly by Loki's bedside like the day before, talking softly without any sign of response before leaving again. The rain tapped at the windows.

When she heard the sound of labored breaths she was on her feet in moments. Thinking it was another dream, she reached out her hand and touched Loki's forehead. This time he opened his eyes.

"You're safe," she said, more from instinct than anything else. He might be too weak to attack now but she hadn't forgotten yesterday.

His gaze flicked to her but there was no sign he'd understood her words. Closing his eyes again he seemed to fall back into oblivion.

She slowly withdrew her hand. His skin was cold, yet covered by a sheen of sweat. She tucked a strand of hair back behind his ear before leaving.

Only at the end of the day did he wake up again, this time gasping and thrashing.

"JARVIS!" Tabby shouted before darting to the bed and trying to hold him down. The drip was already out and Loki halfway off the bed when the sudden burst of energy seemed to run out, leaving him stranded. 

"Help is on the way, Miss."

Loki groaned but didn't fight her as she tried to get him back in position. He was surprisingly heavy for someone so malnourished.

"Will you... try... not to make things worse?" She pointed at the drip. "You need that."

Loki watched her with narrowing eyes, showing his teeth in a silent snarl.

Bruce arrived with Tony and together they managed to make Loki comfortable again, though he didn't exactly show appreciation for their efforts.  
"Are you going to stay in place or do we need to restrain you?" Tony said. "Just say the word and I get some sturdy ropes."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. Loki's eyes widened and he began thrashing again, not stopping even after being forcefully held down.

"Guys, _guys_!" Tabby called out. "This isn't working. Let go of him!" She wondered where Thor was. If nobody was getting through to Loki maybe he could. Or maybe not, she realized as said Thor burst through the door, looking like he'd just woken up, and demanded an explanation. Chaos ensued.

_Next time I'm not calling for help._

With things calmed down, she prepared to return to the side bed and the book she'd been reading. Loki seemed calm again and the room was empty except for the two of them. Only, he kept looking at her. Not saying anything; just looking. It was unnerving.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

Loki smirked.  
"What do you have to offer?"

"I can fetch you some more broth," she said, ignoring his tone. "Or a bedpan..."

"There is no need for such a thing!" he interrupted her, clearly annoyed by the suggestion.  
Wincing at the strain he closed his eyes again.

"Don't use up your strength," she wanted to say, but no matter how she'd put it it would sound condescending.

"I can read to you," she suggested instead. "Keeps you from getting bored."

"You really think any of your Midgardian stories would be of interest to me?"

She shrugged.  
"It still beats being bored."

He kept quiet so long she thought he had fallen back asleep. Then finally:  
"Very well, read to me." It sounded like a command.

She moved a chair next to his bed and went back to the beginning of the book.  
"It's called 'A Song of Ice and Fire'."


	3. Help accepted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you care more than expected and find yourself singled out.

Loki eventually went back to sleep and she closed the book. Unsure of what to do next, she kept watching him. If they couldn't convince him to accept the drip he would need food and water, and she was the only one he allowed to feed him. Considering what had happened earlier, she doubted that would change.

_Why are you so stubborn?_

His chest was rising and falling evenly; it looked more like regular sleep than the unconsciousness he'd succumbed to before. Hopefully, that was a good sign.

She went back to her own floor to retrieve a few things, then settled in a vacant bed. It was the most practical, she reasoned. Catch a few hours' sleep till Loki woke up again, attend to him and go back to bed. No hassle.

* * *

She woke up to Bruce making another failed attempt at convincing Loki to accept the drip.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," she said, picking up the thermos she had brought.

Bruce sighed.  
"Are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, you shouldn't have to spend your nights here just because he..." He didn't finish the sentence, just made a telling gesture in Loki's direction.

"It won't last forever," she shrugged, "and it's not like I'm needed elsewhere at the moment."

"S.H.I.E.L.D. should make up their mind about using you."

"Yeah, but they don't, so I have a lot of free time right now."

She placed the cup of broth in Loki's hands. For a change, he didn't insist on her tasting it first. 

He waited until Bruce had left before lifting it to his lips, holding it carefully, like it took effort.

Both his hands were missing nails, she noticed, and the discoloration on the right one indicated the break Bruce had hinted at the day before.

"What happened to your hand?" she found herself asking, not sure why she wanted to know. The answer couldn't be pretty.

Loki's eyes didn't leave hers. There was a hint of a provoking smile on his lips.  
"Somebody saw it fit to bring their heel down on it. With suitable force, of course."

She grimaced.  
"They worked you over pretty badly."

Loki didn't respond.

He emptied the cup this time but denied her offer of a refill. Leaning back with his eyes closed, he remained quiet while she put the cup away.  
"Does it please you?" he asked.

"What?"

"To see me helpless, suffering; to think of me humiliated and chained up like an animal in its own filth?"

"No," she frowned, "it doesn't _please_ me."

He laughed softly.  
"How honorable."

"It's got nothing to do with that." She came to sit by his bed with the book resting on her lap. "I just don't think anyone deserves what they did to you."

"And what if... " He paused to cough. "What if my actions had, say, caused the loss of someone you cherished? Would you still not think I deserved whatever was coming to me?"

She thought back on the attack. She hadn't lived in New York back then, but the destruction and violence had been all over the news.  
"Maybe... but it's impossible to know since that didn't happen. I would probably have hated you, but I still don't know if I'd wanted you to go through all this." She indicated his bruised and emaciated appearance.

"An honest answer. How refreshing."

He closed his eyes again, suddenly looking exhausted.

"You should lie down," she said. "Get some rest."

He didn't object as she moved to help him, once again reminded of how heavy he was.

Once settled, he took a deep breath and moistened his lips.  
"So you're not here for the pleasure of seeing my weakness... Then I can only assume you've been told to keep an eye on me."

"No, JARVIS can do that." She pointed to the ceiling. "The A.I. It's just easier for me to stay here since you don't let anyone else feed you. No point in running back and forth unless I have somewhere else to be."

He frowned, but only for a moment.  
"So, you're willingly accepting the burden of caring for me... There must be something it will gain you."

"Well, I can't let you starve, can I? You won't take the drip, so..."

"Why not?" He quirked an eyebrow. "Wouldn't that be easier? Be done with me once and for all, no concern for what to do with me once I recover?"

This time it was her turn to frown.  
"I don't think Thor would like that."

"Ah, of course. Thor."

"Of course what? What do you mean?" She recognized that he was playing with her, challenging her in an attempt to figure her out, but the indicative tone of his voice made her too curious to not ask.

"You're doing it for Thor. Are you hoping he'll notice you? That he'll be suitably grateful and give you the attention that you crave?"

"I don't need his attention! I'm not interested in him like that; I just don't think he deserves to be miserable and worry so much."

"Oh, he doesn't, does he?" Loki scoffed. "He showed little worry when I was thrown in the dungeons for all eternity."

She didn't know what to say to that.  
"Well, he seems to care now," she mumbled, wincing about how lame it sounded.

Loki didn't seem impressed but had apparently used up what little energy he had and didn't argue.

She offered to read to him again and he accepted, but it took only minutes before he was asleep. She closed the book and went back to bed, her head full of thoughts.

* * *

Thor had found him on Earth, not far from the tower, and though Loki bore all the signs of having escaped a harsh imprisonment, there was no way to tell where he had been. For whatever reason, he refused to give up details.

"He may feel shame about what happened to him," Bruce suggested. "I get the impression that it bothers him more to be seen as helpless than the fact that he has such severe injuries."

"Loki was always proud," Thor said, "as was he secretive. When he doesn't wish to speak, nothing can make him do so."

"Yeah, well..." Tony got up to refill his coffee. "It's not like it matters now anyway. What matters is that he's here, and just what are we supposed to do with him if... when he gets better?"

"I was hoping to bring him home by then," Thor said, "but my hope of reaching Asgard soon is dimming. Something is keeping Heimdall from answering, and I fear what the reason might be."

"Don't worry, big guy." Tony patted Thor's shoulder in passing. "He's probably taking a weekend off or something. When was the last time the guy had a vacation?"

"He does not require such," Thor said absently. "I have to wonder if Loki knows something about this; it's quite the coincidence, finding him here and Asgard being unreachable all at the same time."

"If he does, there isn't much we can do to get it out of him," Bruce said. "He hardly speaks to anyone, except for Tabby."

Tabby looked up, finding all eyes on her.  
"What? I don't know why he singles me out."

"You're the only one he doesn't have history with," Bruce pointed out. "It may be why he trusts you."

"I don't know if he _trusts_ me..." she began.

"He lets you feed him," Steve said. "I'd say there's some trust right there."

"Yeah, but..." She wasn't sure what to say. It was a weird situation. 

Even weirder was the way she felt about Loki. She'd always been a nurturing person, easily slipping into compassion when confronted with other people's troubles. It wasn't exactly out of character for her to care.

It was just that Loki wasn't someone you should care about. He was untrustworthy and downright dangerous.

"Do you think you could get him to talk?" Bruce asked. "Find out how he ended up here and why?"

"Maybe, but I doubt he would tell me anything he doesn't want us to know. He already thinks I'm here to spy on him."

She noticed a cautiously hopeful expression on Thor's face.

_Ooh no, not the puppy eyes. Don't do this to me!_

"I... Alright, I'll try," she said."Just don't get your hopes up."

Thor's smile was like sunshine after a rainy day.

* * *

Upon returning to the infirmary she didn't find Loki in bed as expected. Instead, he was leaning against the wall, trying to walk away from it on shaky legs.

"What are you doing?" She hurried up to him, reaching out in support before she could think about how it would be received.

"It is none of your concern!" Loki tried pushing her hands away, almost losing his balance in the process. He was breathing heavily, clenching his teeth from the mere effort of walking a few steps. He couldn't possibly believe he'd be able to escape in that condition...

Tabby looked in the direction he was heading.

_Oh..._

"If you need to go the bathroom you could just ask for help," she said.

But of course, he wouldn't because that would be humiliating. Almost as humiliating as accepting a bedpan.

_Sigh!_

"At least let me support you!" She pointed at the ceiling. "You know there are cameras in here. Do you really want Tony to have it on film if you fall on your ass? Because he would never stop talking about it."

Loki glanced up to where she was indicating.  
"Very well," he said in an attempt at a haughty tone. "You are permitted to escort me."

Leaning heavily on her he managed to walk the rest of the way, though it took some time. Tabby waited outside the door, sorting out her conflicted feelings. She couldn't help but admire him. It wasn't just stupid stubbornness, it was... Damn, she understood him way too well.

The door opened again, revealing Loki who was still swaying on his feet.  
"I believe I could use a shower," he said, avoiding her gaze.

"Do you want me to..." She stopped herself, rephrasing. "Would you allow me to assist you?"

"That I will." He moved in the direction of the shower, slipping out of the simple garment he'd been wearing. The effort left him shaking.

"Sit!" Tabby quickly indicated the stool placed there for patients. Loki carefully obeyed with as much dignity he could muster.

Removing her own shoes and socks, she turned on the water and asked him to put his hand under the stream.  
"Just let me know when it's warm enough."

Bruce would probably scold her for this, but she had already seen what happened when you tried to stop Loki from leaving the bed. Repeating that disaster wouldn't do him any good.

Loki was picking at the bandages, removing what he could.

To Tabby's relief, there were signs of healing underneath and she dared remove the rest.

Carefully she began washing his hair. Loki stayed quiet, probably hating every moment of being so helpless and exposed. 

"I think you'll feel better after this," she said, working the lather into his hair. It took a while, but she wanted to be thorough. Whoever had starved and tortured him clearly hadn't let him maintain any hygiene either. She wondered if it had been a deliberate degrading or simply neglect.

"Did they bother checking on you at all after they stopped feeding you?" she asked.

"Of course. They had no intention of letting me die quickly."

The sarcastic tone didn't invite to conversation but she knew better than to take it personally.

"So they wanted you alive, then." 

She rinsed his hair, being as gentle as she could. It felt oddly soothing to handle his body like this; intimate but not awkwardly so.

If she had hoped for Loki to reveal something about his captivity, she was left disappointed. He remained quiet, eyes closed, while the warm water formed rivulets over his injured skin.

He flinched when she touched a spot on his neck but otherwise didn't react much to her ministrations. She continued with applying soap over his back and arms, being mindful not to irritate the partially healed wounds.

It startled her when he finally spoke:  
"Is this what you normally do? Administer care to those who need it?"

"Not really. I help out sometimes but I'm not a nurse or anything. I just do what needs to be done."

Loki seemed to ponder her answer while she moved on to his chest and abdomen.

"So you do what you are told?"

"More like what I think is worth doing." She hesitated at the dark hair that formed a trail down his lower abdomen. "Do you want to do this part yourself?" 

Loki tightened his jaw but didn't open his eyes.  
"It matters not."

His fingers were trembling and she realized it cost him effort just to stay sitting upright.

_Please, don't pass out on me._

She resolutely had him lean against the wall and hurried to finish. There was no way she'd be able to carry him back to bed; he would have to walk on his own two feet.

"You're really stubborn, do you know that?"

There was a faint smile on his face.  
"I've been told I can be somewhat... persistent."

She gently washed the rest. Nudity didn't bother her; she wasn't raised to be embarrassed about such things. Neither was she shocked that her touch had an effect. 

"It's almost over," she said as she reached for the shower head and began rinsing the lather off. "I'll be helping you back to bed soon."

He sighed but didn't open his eyes or speak.

She fetched a towel and began drying him off, again careful with the wounds. A few of them would need redressing but most could probably be left as they were. She would check with Bruce, just to be safe.

There was another matter.

"Do you want me to leave for a few minutes so you can... take care of that? She indicated the very physical reaction to her handling of his privates. "There are no cameras in here so it's probably the best shot at privacy you'll have."

"That will not be necessary." Loki's voice was strained but she could swear there was a hint of amusement in it.

"As you wish." She found him something to wear and they began the slow return to his bed. 

"You are one peculiar mortal," Loki said.

"Yeah, I know. I've been called worse."

She helped him settle into the bed and tucked him in, trying to not feel like a mum. Loki was not a child in any manner and she had just had a very visual reminder of it.

His feet needed redressing, the soles not taking well to being walked on.

"Do you think you can sleep?" she asked while working.

"I highly doubt you need to wait for my falling asleep if you wish to leave. As you said, I'm already being observed."

"That's not why I asked."

She got up to wash her hands.  
"I'll leave if you want to or I can stay and read for a bit. Your choice."

"Well then, if it's not a bother."

She didn't comment on his change of tone, just picked up the book and made herself comfortable next to his bed. It took less than two pages before he slept.


	4. Crossing the Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you step out of line and just keep going...

Of course, she got scolded. Not by Bruce but by Tony.

"So you just decide you're going to take him into the shower with you? Just like that?"

"He could barely walk. What do you think he could have done to me in there?"

"It's Loki!" Tony pulled a hand through his hair. "You were supposed to get him to talk, not... whatever the hell you were doing."

"So I should just have let him crawl in there on his own and pass out? You can't be serious."

Tony started pacing back and forth.  
"You could have called Bruce, me... anyone. Thor would have been an obvious choice here. " He turned around to face her. "You could have used your powers! You didn't have to touch him."

"It doesn't work that way. If you're concerned that he was naked..."

Tony held up his palm.  
"Spare me. Loki and naked are two things I don't need to hear about in the same sentence."

"You know, in some cultures, nudity is perfectly normal as long as you cover the essentials." She sounded defiant and she knew it, but damn if she was going to just stand there and take what was thrown at her. "Not everyone is so uptight about it as Americans are."

"You got that from your hippie parents, I bet."

"They're social anthropologists, not hippies! What's the big deal? He's clean and back in bed. Nothing happened!" She flung her arm out in frustration. A nearby lightbulb exploded.

Tony swore.  
"Did you do that?"

"No..."

_Fuck!_

"I didn't mean to," she said, feeling her cheeks getting warm. 

Tony sighed.  
"JARVIS, get Dum-E up here to clean this up, will you?"

"Already on his way, sir."

Tony went to the bar and filled up a glass.  
"Tabby... I know you're not stupid."

"Really? Because you're treating me like it right now." She crossed her arms, careful not to make any sudden movements. "Like I don't know what I'm doing."

"That's not what's... You don't know Loki. That's the problem. You haven't seen what the guy is capable of."

"I've seen the footage from the helicarrier," she said. "And most from the Chitauri attack."

Tony put down the glass after taking a sip.  
"Have you seen anything from when he first showed up? When he got hold of the Tesseract?"

"No, that's classified."

"JARVIS, bring up the video footage of when Loki first arrived!"

Three images hoovered in the air, showing the same area from different angles. A few people were moving about, focused on a contraption that was giving off an eerie blue light. 

Director Fury was there, talking to a man who looked vaguely familiar.

"That's Selvig? Who worked on the Tesseract?"

"Yeah, that's him. Keep watching."

Clint Barton, who she knew, came into view and entered the conversation. Shortly after, the blue light intensified and began to pulse, shooting off a beam of light towards a small platform. As the foggy light began to dissolve a figure became visible, partially kneeling on the raised surface.

What followed next was a slaughter. One of the cameras must have been hit by ricochets, as it stopped functioning, but the other two images remained, showing Loki single-handedly taking down every guard who moved against him.

He finished by aiming the tip of a short spear at the chests of Selvig and Clint, as well as another man, before demanding the Tesseract from Fury.

"That's the infamous scepter, I take it?"

"It is," Tony confirmed. "Now you know what it looks like."

"Loki seems... he doesn't look much better than he does now. He's stumbling."

"I guess the portal did a number on him. Who knows." Tony retrieved his glass and sipped it while watching the rest of the video. "I think you know the rest."

"They tried to stop him but he got away." She rubbed her lips, thinking about what she had seen. It was a lot to take in.

"The bullets were bouncing off him," she said.

"Some kind of force field he conjures up," Tony said. "According to Thor, he has a bunch of magic tricks in the baggage, half of which we haven't seen yet."

* * *

She had the S.H.I.E.L.D. footage in fresh memory when she went to see Loki in the infirmary.

He was awake, looking up at the ceiling and rolling an empty cup between his fingers.

"Are you bored?" she asked, removing the lid from the food she'd brought. It was time to move up from broth to a chunkier soup, they'd decided.

"I have had more interesting ventures." He carefully shifted up against the pillows, making a face from the effort, and accepted the bowl she offered him.

She waited until he was finished before bringing up the subject.  
"It was the same place they kept you in, wasn't it? Where you came from when you stole the Tesseract?"

Loki was silent, his face unreadable. He moistened his lips and she noticed that they were almost healed.  
"And what leads you to that conclusion?"

"I saw what you looked like when you came through the portal."

He slowly put the bowl on the table next to the bed. Then, without warning, he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards him till their faces were only inches apart. She instinctively placed her hands on his chest, wanting to push away.

"You think yourself clever?" he hissed, baring his teeth. His fingers were digging into her shoulder, painfully hard.

"It's true, isn't it?" His eyes were pale green, bordering on blue. Like ice.

"It is most unwise to speak of things of which you have no knowledge."

His hand began to tremble, taking the edge of the threat. Frustrated, he let go and she pulled back but remained seated on the edge of the bed.

If she had doubted her theory before, Loki's reaction had her convinced.

"Why did they do this to you?"

He closed his eyes and tightened his jaw.  
"Why are you so eager to wallow in my abasement?"

"I'm not; I'm just trying to understand what happened." She looked up. "JARVIS, can you please not record this conversation?"

"I'm afraid my protocol makes me unable to adhere to your request, Miss Tabby."

"Okay... Can you play some music? And dim the lights a bit?"

She waited till everything was the way she wanted it. The music wouldn't obscure every sound but enough to make words hard to decipher. Same as the dark with lip reading and gestures. This was private.

"You don't have a last name?" Loki sneered.

"Neither do you, apparently. Unless 'of Asgard' is a name"

"I have no father whose name to carry."

"I thought Thor was your brother," she said, distinctly remembering Thor being called 'Odinson' by JARVIS on multiple occasions. Loki was only called... Loki.

"In words only, not by blood." Loki tried to ease himself back into lying position. "I take it... he has not revealed the shameful secret of my heritage."

"That you're adopted, you mean? There's nothing shameful about that." She tried to help him but he slapped her hand away.

"Unless you're the spawn of monsters."

Loki was breathing heavily and she suddenly felt concerned about having agitated him. That had not been her intent.

"What do you mean?" She made her voice soft, hoping it would help in calming him down.

"Why don't you ask Thor? I'm sure he would be delighted to brag at length about how many frost giants he has slain. Before finding out that there was one in the family, of course. That made things... just a little bit awkward."

Tabby placed a hand on Loki's arm, meaning to soothe him. It was mostly instinctive; for a moment she had forgotten to be cautious of her actions around him.

She remembered when he stiffened under her touch.

"And now you're pitying me." He sounded appalled.

"There is a difference between pitying and caring," she said. "Why are you so scared of being vuln...?"

"Caring? Is simple sentiment what compels you to attend to my needs? I have to say you're going to great length for such."

She wasn't sure what to answer to that. In truth, she was beginning to feel a bit helpless. This was not how she had hoped their conversation would go.

Suddenly, he gripped her hand and pulled it under the covers, placing it on his crotch.

She froze.

"Just how far are you ready to go for my _needs_?" he said, holding her hand in place with an iron grip.

"Is that what you want?" The words left her lips without her control. It was the most natural thing to say as she felt his length grow under her palm, the silky skin smooth against her fingers.

Loki seemed as surprised as she was when he loosened his grip and she didn't immediately snatch her hand back.

He'd been trying to provoke her, scare her away. She wasn't having it.

Instead, she held still, waiting for him to push her hand away or say something but he didn't. She began to stroke him then, slowly and gently. It took very little for his erection to reach its full size, much like had happened in the shower. That had been different though; a clinical side effect. This was intentional and it felt a lot more intimate.

She was glad for the dimmed lights now.

Loki's eyes were closed but she could tell he was very much awake and aware of what she was doing. His breathing shifted as she changed pace and pulled the foreskin back and forth over the head. At one point he covered her hand with his, making her tighten her grip. A wetness grazed her fingers as she flipped them back and forth over the edge, stimulating that sensitive spot.

His hips twitched and he gripped the edge of the bed, digging his fingers into the mattress. A groan escaped his lips as he thrust into her hand and released.

She reached for a wipe and lifted the covers to clean him up. She felt strangely light-headed, almost happy. It was a weird feeling that she would have to sort out later.

Loki was lying back with a hand over his forehead.  
"This is somewhat embarrassing," he admitted.

"Well, what did you think would happen?" She finished by wiping her own hands, tossing the wipe in the trash. "You didn't think I would do it?"

He looked like he was about to say something, then changed his mind.  
"I maintain that you're one of the more peculiar creatures I have encountered. Make of that what you will."

She pulled the covers back in place, making him comfortable.  
"Now you're relaxed, it should be easy to sleep."

"Go away, woman."

She giggled and collected the empty bowl before heading for the door, bouncing her steps.

It was only outside she stopped to lean against the wall, face in her hands.

_What have I done?_

But she couldn't stop smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work title for this fic was "Healing and Handjobs". Now you know why.


	5. Questions

"Thor, could you tell me what a frost giant is?"

She had found him in the kitchen, making coffee. Her question seemed to give him pause.

"I will take it that you have spoken with Loki?"

"Yes, he mentioned them but wouldn't elaborate."

"They are a race inhabiting Jotunheim, a realm of ice and snow.

"And...?"

"Loki was born there."

She waited for him to continue. Contrary to Loki's prediction, there was no bragging of slain giants. Thor seemed genuinely uncomfortable.

"Loki was... the bastard son of their king. He was left to die as an infant."

Her breath hitched.  
"Are you serious?"

Thor's eyes met hers.  
"My father, Odin Allfather, found him and took him into our family, raised him as his own beside me. We never knew. Loki and I... we didn't know." It was like he was pleading with her, asking her to understand. "We were different but we were _brothers_. We went through our first battle together, princes of Asgard, glorious in victory. For a thousand years, we were..." Thor paused, staring out the window. "I never noticed we began to drift apart. His jealousy, his secrecy... it all seemed small at the time."

"Why was he jealous?"

"I was the one to take the throne. After father."

Something didn't add up but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"That's all? He wanted the throne?"

"Is that not enough? When the time for my coronation came, it was interrupted by frost giants breaking into our weapons vault. I since have carried the suspicion Loki had something to do with it."

"You said he didn't know."

"Not at the time. I did something foolish and father banished me to your world to learn my lesson. Loki learned... something else." Thor stared into his coffee. "He found out about his true heritage and went mad over it; tried to kill me, tried to destroy Jotunheim."

"Why? Why was it such a big deal? You just said they're another race. What's wrong with them?"

"Frost giants are enemies of Asgard. They are enormous in size, with blue skin and blood red eyes. We were brought up with stories about them, about their savageness and cruelty."

"Oh..."

_"Unless you're the spawn of monsters."_

"He does not look like them but... his viciousness when he came back to conquer Earth..." Thor took a seat by the table. He looked tired, lost. "I don't understand what happened to my brother."

* * *

She had the most irrational feeling that her hand still smelled like Loki. Of course, it didn't. She just couldn't shake the thought.

He was asleep for hours. Bruce attributed it to the change in food; Tabby had her own theory but kept it to herself. The latest medical scan indicated that Loki was indeed healing, albeit at a slower rate than was normal for him.

"Even when the injuries clear up, he'll be weak for a while," Bruce said. "He's been malnourished for months, from the look of it. It will take time for the muscle tissue to grow back."

"He hinted that they didn't really want to kill him, just make him suffer." Tabby was looking at the scans, learning as much as she could.

Bruce shook his head.  
"The Other Guy wants to come out to have a word with whoever did this and he doesn't even like Loki."

Somehow that didn't surprise her. Knowing Bruce, this kind of deliberate torture would upset him and the Hulk was a direct reflection of his emotions.

"I think it was the same people who sent him to Earth in the first place," Tabby said.

"Because he lost? Yeah, maybe. It seems a bit excessive to take him from Asgard just to torture him and drop him at our doorstep though."

"Maybe they wanted something from him." She looked at her hand, her thoughts wandering. "Thor said that Loki never told him anything about what happened before he came to Earth. He was sure it wasn't Loki's idea in the first place, that someone else pulled the strings."

"It doesn't exactly make him innocent," Bruce said. "He still killed a bunch of people. It would have been even more if he'd managed to bring down the helicarrier."

"No, but I wonder if it's more complicated than we think."

* * *

Loki was still asleep when she went to see him. There was a sheen of sweat on his brow, eyes rapidly moving under closed lids. She sat next to the bed and watched him dream.

_"We were brought up with stories about them, about their savageness and cruelty."_

_"He found out about his true heritage and went mad over it; tried to kill me, tried to destroy Jotunheim."_

So much anger, so much confusion.

Imagine finding out you were not who you thought you were.

Her own parents had been supportive, trying to make it a positive thing.

_"You're special. Some people won't understand; they're scared of what they don't know. You don't have to listen to them. You have the same right to be as anybody else."_

The exploding light bulb was embarrassing though. She really should be able to control it better. The professor would have given her one of those _looks_ ; the I-know-you-can-do-better one. Understanding with just a hint of disappointment.

"You are back." Loki's voice was hoarse from sleep.

"No, I'm just pretending."

He let out a huff and licked his lips.

She poured a glass of water and waited for him to sit up.

His hair, now clean, fell in soft, messy curls around his neck, giving him a much softer appearance than in the S.H.I.E.L.D. footage.

He was drinking slowly, letting the water rest in his mouth before swallowing.

She wondered if he was deliberately delaying the moment he had to talk to her.

Strangely, she didn't feel too awkward about what had happened between them. She _should_ , obviously, but she didn't.

"Do you need escort to the bathroom again?"

Loki sighed, fiddling with the glass.  
"I suppose there is little point in delaying it."

She supported him there and back, noticing that he did move easier than last time. There was change, albeit a small one.

"You're healing really fast," she commented while helping him back into the bed.

"Comparing to mortals, obviously." He insisted on sitting up, pillows stacked behind his back. "Not as fast as I would prefer."

"Thor wants to take you back to Asgard," she said. "He says they have healers who could help you."

Loki's face distorted in a twisted smile.  
"To put me back in my cell, more likely. That is where I belong, after all."

"I'm sorry."

She had forgotten about that.

"How long do you have left? In prison, I mean."

"How long? Some 4000 years unless I go mad sooner."

"You can't be serious!" This was another attempt at shocking her, getting her off balance. It had to be.

"Can't I? Perhaps you should take it up with Odin Allfather. I'm sure he'd be delighted to discuss my fate with a mere mortal."

She offered him the food she had brought, not sure what to think about what Loki was telling her.

"What's it like in your prison?" she tried. "Do you get to go out, or work or... How do you spend your time?"

He was looking at her with a slight frown.  
"By reading, mostly," he finally said. "There is little else to do."

"Oh."

She watched him eat in quiet. He was less hostile than previous visits, less aggressive, yet... not exactly inviting either.

"You may continue your story if you wish." He was indicating the book in her lap. "It's bound to be more entertaining than my future in Asgard's dungeons."

_Dungeons._

She really hoped he was exaggerating. Better check with Thor later.

Picking up the bookmark, she began to read.

Loki put the empty bowl aside and closed his eyes to listen.  
"It seems unwise to trust this... Littlefinger," he commented after a while.

"Yes, but Ned is from the North. He's used to people being honorable and doing the right thing. He's not as cautious around the people in King's Landing as he should be."

"Ah, yes. 'The right thing'. As if that will gain him any favors."

"Well, sometimes you do the right thing because it feels good," she shrugged. "It doesn't need to be a big deal."

Loki looked at her, quirking an eyebrow.  
"And is attending to me something you consider 'the right thing'?"

_Here we go again._

"I suppose. I haven't really thought about it that way."

"Hmm..."

"What are you thinking?"

Loki carefully stretched his limbs before answering.  
"What if doing the right thing only brought you scorn and ridicule? No matter what you did you'd keep getting disrespect while others took the glory?"

"I don't know... I'd be angry, I suppose." She thought about her own choice of joining S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. As if being one of the heroes would wash out the prejudices people had about someone like her. What if it wasn't enough?

Loki smiled briefly, but it was more of a sneer.  
"You will find that 'angry' isn't by far a sufficient word for what you feel after enduring such unfavorable treatment for centuries."

"It happened to you? Why did they treat you that way?"

"Why? Because talking is deemed less than brute action; because trying to keep the loss of life at a minimum is cowardice while rushing headlong into battle is honorable." His voice was sharp, almost painful in its pointedness. She could sense the rage underneath.

"That's not cowardice; it's common sense."

"Is it?" Loki quirked an eyebrow. "It's a pity you can't be brought to Asgard to air your thoughts on our matters. It would be most entertaining to witness."

"Yeah, well..." She put the book down. "We don't exactly have the most sensible people here either. Have you seen our politicians?"

"Point taken." He inspected his bruised right hand, gently closing and opening it. "Under my rule, you wouldn't have to suffer such fools."

For some reason, she believed him. Or rather, that he believed it.  
"Did you really understand what you were getting into with that take-over thing?" she said. "Ruling us is like... herding cats. We're all over the place."

Loki looked at her, now openly amused.  
"That makes for an entertaining image. You don't believe I'd have what it takes to bring order to your world?"

"I don't think anyone has, to be honest."

"So little faith... Ah, well, you had your chance."

He placed his hands under his head and closed his eyes, looking uncharacteristically relaxed. 

Tabby asked JARVIS to dim the lights and turn on some soft music, then made herself as comfortable as she could on the chair.

"Would you tell me about Asgard?" she asked.

"Why not ask Thor to satisfy your curiosity? You seem close enough."

She ignored the bait and insisted.  
"I want to hear your perspective. I think it would be more interesting."

Loki pursed his lips, seeming to ponder her request. Then he looked up, an eyebrow raised.  
"I could tell you. For a price."

"Like what?"

He smiled wickedly.  
"Perhaps, letting me make use of those soft hands of yours again?"

Tabby blinked.  
"Are you serious?"

"You had little objection last time. And I didn't even offer anything in return."

She glanced towards where the camera was located.  
"You're lucky we weren't caught. If somebody's watching now..."

"It can easily be solved." He made a hand movement. "I have now created an illusion that we're merely sitting her talking. It is all very proper."  
She had to admit, she was impressed. Assuming he was telling the truth, of course. Not that it would gain him anything to lie about it.

"How about you tell me about Asgardian magic, then? And I... help you sleep after."

She felt like a mischievous child, conspiring to do something forbidden.

Loki was studying her, his eyes narrow. Then:  
"Very well, I will tell you. Let's see how much you are able to comprehend."


	6. Secrets and Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you have too much to hide...

"What sort of name is 'Tabby'?"

She was sitting next to Loki on the bed, her legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles.  
"It's a pet name," she said. "I went to a... a school for people like me, and someone started calling me that because of my hair."

Loki's gaze went to her plain brown hair.

"It's dyed now," she explained. "I don't want people staring at it. You know what a tabby cat looks like? Stripes and patterns in the fur? My hair looks like that when I wear it naturally. Anyway, someone called me Tabby and it stuck."

"Hmm..." Loki was lying down, watching her pensively. "A school for people like you?"

She hesitated.  
"I'm a mutant," she said.

He didn't react. What had she expected? Loki was from another world; he wasn't going to recoil in horror or disgust. He might not even know what a mutant was.

"It's bothering you," he observed.

"Yeah! Mutants are not well seen. People are afraid of them."

"So you're hiding."

"I'm not gonna flaunt what I am, if that's what you mean. At school it was fine. We were all mutants; people were curious about your... _thing_ , but not hostile. Then we took a trip to another city and some guys saw us, saw my hair and another girl's features, and they shouted 'mutant scum' after us." Her hands were shaking at the memory. "It just reminded me that the rest of the world isn't like school. I knew it; I had just forgotten it while I was there."

She didn't know why she was revealing this to Loki. It just came pouring out.

"What can you do? Besides looking like a cat." Loki's grin was teasing, curious... but not malicious.

"I can move things... without touching them."

"It sounds rather useful," he said.

"It can be. I thought maybe the Avengers or S.H.I.E.L.D. would see it like that. And if I worked with them, people wouldn't see me as a freak or a threat."

"I see."

What was it that made her want to tell him everything? Loki was not someone you should want to confide in. Almost anyone in the tower was better suited for pouring your heart out to than him.

Even if she had seen him naked.

It was to gain his trust, she told herself. If she opened up, maybe he would as well.

"Now there are people who try to paint the Avengers as a threat too." She let out a sigh of frustration. "You just can't win." 

"If people are intent to see you as such, they will. Whatever you do will only encourage their perception of you."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Perhaps." Loki's face became closed, his lips pursed.

She thought about it before speaking again.  
"I am a threat though. Or I could be."

Loki raised an eyebrow, his interest piqued.  
"And how so?"

"If you get powerful enough you can cause damage," she said. "There was someone at our school who had the same kind of power as me and it went out of control."

"Tell me!" Loki turned on his side, watching her with intent.

"It didn't happen at the school, and I wasn't there, but she had these immense telekinetic powers like nobody's ever seen and... she lost control of them. Lost control of herself. People were killed, there was a lot of destruction and she was killed herself as well."

"And you fear the same?"

"I don't think I'll ever have that level of power that she did, but I could still do damage. What if I lose control of it, as she did? Anything could happen."

"You don't know where your boundaries are?"

"Of course I do! At least, I think so."

"Show me!"

She frowned at him.  
"I'm not going to show you that!"

"Show me!"

The authority in his voice made her spontaneously want to obey and it wasn't because of fear but something else, something she couldn't quite name. 

"Loki..."

_Oh, what the hell..._

She flicked her fingers and the book she'd left on the other bed flew into the air, did a loop and landed with a flap on her lap. A subtle burnt smell emanated from it but quickly dissipated.

"Impressive," Loki said and lifted the book to his nose to sniff it. 

"I don't know why it smells like that. It's like a weird side-effect."

"You are shifting the matter so the object can pass through its space."

"How do you know?"

He balanced the book in his hand, running his thumb over the cover.  
"It's a form of magic. I can sense it."

"Are you serious?"

He smiled softly.  
"About it being magic or me being able to sense it?"

"Both, but mostly; how can you sense that?"

He moistened his lips.  
"As I've already told you, a magic wielder manipulates the essence of reality as we perceive it. In order to do so successfully, you need to develop an awareness of its presence.

"I don't think I have," she said. "I just do it. Sometimes I don't even intend to."

"It is not conscious since you haven't had the proper training and practice."

"I had great teachers."

"Perhaps, by Midgardian standards. They were not true magic wielders; they would not understand what they were dealing with."

Tabby wasn't sure what to think. To hear Loki so surely dismiss what she had learned...

"Are you saying that all mutants have magic?"

"Doubtful. Magic is rare in this realm." He closed his eyes and yawned, then took her hand and pulled it in under the sheet.

"Again? Loki..."

"Still worried they will find out? All they would see is you sitting on that chair reading while I sleep."

She shifted position to reach better and allowed him to wrap her hand around his already hard length. Was it a side effect of him recovering, or was he just constantly horny?

"I didn't mean for this to become a habit."

"I don't see you protesting overly much."

True. She kind of enjoyed it, giving pleasure to someone so easily, to watch his face while he gave in to the sensations...

"Have you used your magic the whole time I've been sitting here? I thought it tired you out?"

"Mmm-hmm."

He was half asleep already; she'd better finish this before his illusion broke.

That would be something, having Tony check in on the camera view just as she was lying on Loki's bed with her hand under his covers.

The thought made her suppress a giggle as she let her hand slide up and down the silky shaft. Feeling daring, she reached over to cup Loki's balls with her other hand, an action that immediately made him tense his stomach muscles and hiss between his teeth.

She was amazed at how sensitive this stoic man was, how much he allowed her in under the pretense of testing her boundaries.

Release was something you easily could take into your own hands, yet he let her do it over and over again. Letting himself be touched. Touched after months of torture and degradation. Touched in a way that brought pleasure instead of pain.

When you're starved you take what you can get, be it a stranger who showed you the bare minimum of kindness.

She felt his oncoming climax a moment before it flooded her fingers and she did her best to prolong it. Cleaning him up carefully, she watched him go to sleep.

It was worth it.

The others would disapprove of her methods, but it was worth it.

* * *

Tabby looked in the mirror. It wasn't enough that her hair made her look like a stray cat, it also grew ridiculously fast. The roots were beginning to show again, making her reach for the hair dye with a frustrated sigh.

Hiding, always hiding.

Protecting herself against hurtful comments and thoughtless "jokes". 

Not that the jokes became any less when people thought she was one of them.

_"Okay, I have nothing against mutants but..."_

_"If I gave you a hundred dollars, would you fuck a mutant?"_

_"Dude, I'd do it for free. Do you know what those freaks can do?"_

She had always been different. The mutant power had surfaced in early puberty but she had been a freak long before it showed. Her upbringing alone had made sure of that.

Not that she could blame her parents; they had wanted to take her along, have her experience a wider world than a classroom could provide, and a bigger perspective. She was glad for it.

But it also made her lonely.

Funny how Loki's company seemed to ease that feeling. How easy he was to talk to. There was an intimacy between them that she didn't share with anyone else. 

She looked at her hands, remembering what it felt like to touch him. Their secret.

Not like the secret of hiding who she was, but one that made her giddy, excited, looking forward to seeing him again.

Made her feel good about herself.

She let the box with hair dye hoover in the air, spinning it around with lazy flicks of her fingers. Using her hands wasn't strictly necessary but it felt more natural that way. When Loki had demonstrated his magic to her, he had used his hands too.

She wondered if he felt the same.

Her eyes returned to the mirror and her own reflection.

_Why should I be scared?_

Touching things with her mind was as natural as touching them with her fingers. The only difference was that using her mind didn't require physical strength.

Other people's prejudices were the problem, their disdain for anyone who was different from them.

_I'm not the one in the wrong here._

She put the hair dye back on the shelf.

_I shouldn't have to hide._


End file.
